Human beings are emotional creatures. Our emotions are one of the largest aspects of who we are and they are very powerful. So powerful in fact we can lose control of them at times. If you are like me it takes lots of practice to manage this part of who you are.
I’ve discovered over time how important it is to stop and ask ones self the really hard questions. These questions can peer inside of us and reveal those things that so often are hidden in plain sight. Sometimes the answer escapes us when dealing with our emotions and feelings in this way because we are so close to them. Therefore being objective becomes difficult, clouded by the lack of focus created in the moment.
One thing that can happen to us is, without actually realizing it, we can invalidate feelings we have in an effort to succeed at something. It might be a job interview, acceptance into a social group or accomplishing a personal task that “should” be giving us pleasure.
“If you let someone else create your world for you they will always create it too small.” – Dr. Edwin Louis Cole.
Sometimes in our efforts to get along or do the right thing we find ourselves conforming more and more into something that someone else expects. This can be good or bad depending on the context. For example a certain set of skills is required to perform a job, some of which you might be lacking. If you’re not awarded the position there is a temptation to think negatively of yourself and internalize the “failure” when actually it is a message and opportunity for you to polish your skills.
I’ve counseled with people who, for example, have confessed they feel anger but then express they know they’re not supposed to. The truth is, human beings feel anger. It is an emotion we feel very strongly. One cannot prevent themselves from feeling anger, betrayal or hurt. Those feelings are valid. No condemnation there. Processing them is the issue and usually involves going through the experience and empowering yourself (I call it giving yourself permission) to understand as much as possible about what happened, how and why. Then you can give your self permission to take whatever action steps are necessary to correct the issue. Often times we will languish in guilt over something that happens in a relationship, encounter at work or other and fail to move beyond it because we are caught in a mobius ( a bending loop that repeats itself) of guilt at feeling what we feel instead of validating that we feel it, acknowledging that our emotions are normal and take steps to correct what is wrong. In dealing with it this way you will feel better.
Emotions are indeed powerful, we are designed to feel them and they are in fact valid. It is what we do with them and about them that matters most.